i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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