a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
