A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
