Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
