I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
