No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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