Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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