i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
