I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
