I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
