so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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