my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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