Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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