there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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