We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
