Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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