So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize