I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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