he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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