Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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