Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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