If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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