i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it's like iHOP with fire
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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