I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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