I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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