Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
