drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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