Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
