you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
