No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
