Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Welp...herpes.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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