My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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