Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
