Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm too high and old for this...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize