doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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