he looks like a really good dad on facebook
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
