And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
