She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dicks are not precious.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
