everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
