I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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