no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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