Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
