My sheets look like a crime scene.
If that was your dad, he is hot
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
