My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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