You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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