so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
