he was CRYING into my vagina
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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