How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
