I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
