i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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