Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
