Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
