Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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