The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
