When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
