I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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