Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
