I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
