I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
