It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
