We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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