the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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