Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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