also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
