I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize