Don't make out with my wife yet
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
