Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
