Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
